deeper and deeper....

"Waiting for someone?" 
He asked.

I smiled, not answering.  He took the hint, and kept on working.  In the busy salon, on this sunny Sunday morning, I sat in the styling chair, silently watching my long locks disappear...

The innocent question was left unanswered, but my mind was already taking me back in time.  I glimpsed at the door in the mirror, watching the streets outside, half expecting that someone to show up...

一個人的下午　也是美好的
只是聊天的人又少了一個....

忘すれない....

Such a strange feeling... to be back in my "lazy bum" element yet still feeling totally out of it.  I always thought that I'd be so much happier if I could just go back and taste the carefree that is student life, with nothing but school and grades to worry about and long relaxing weekends at home.  This weekend was relaxing indeed, yet it felt strage, and off balance.  It was exactly what I wanted when I was stuck in the ac'ed office, typing away nonsense and collecting paper cuts.  Yet I came out of it feeling deprived.  Was it too relaxing? *laugh*  Or was it the sudden onslaught of events and feelings that caught me off guard and unprepared?  Am I living backward again?  Is it really necessary to discard everything that is the past to live the future?.... No I am not ready yet.  .....

but one thing is for sure... I seriously need to go have a "good talk" with the "good ppl" at Apple about my forever damned iPod.... and come back home and enjoy my "Engine" some more.... :)

Should I smile, should I forgive
Should I turn a blind eye and never get hurt again

Should I confess, should I make amends
Should I curl up and cry myself to sleep

Should I hold on, should I forget
Should I hide in old memories for comfort

Should I accept lies, should I seek my own truth
Should I learn to be free and innocent again

Should I love.....

Funnie how the strangest thing can happen at the most innocent times...  most days you go through life like a robot, slaving yourself over the the daily grind, you still won't know what will happen in the next minute of your life.  Just when you think you have a pretty good idea where your little life is going... boom!  Life throws you a right hook and puts you out on the streets on a rainy Friday afternoon before a long weekend. 

I'm not sure if what I did today was right, and I will not try to justify it in any way.  But I still can't help but feel all kinds of feeling swarming around inside of me.  Guilt, sadness, disappointment?  One thing I do know for sure is that... I've only begun to realize how weak I am when faced with tough situations and how selfish I feel... *sigh*